Larry King (LK): Tonight, live from New York with two of the world’s most intriguing leaders. Straight from their controversial speeches at the United Nations, Libyan Brother Leader Mohmmar Khadafy and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad join us for the evening. 

Wow what a night. Let’s get right to it. Brother leader, are you still a colonel? 

Mohmmar Khadafy [MK]: Yes, of course. But it is just one of my many titles. I am also King of Kings of Africa Larry. 

LK: How does one become the King of Kings of Africa? 

MK: Well, it’s a good story. I was playing the game Risk with some friends and I happened to take over the continent of Africa. 

LK: And? 

MK: That’s it. 

LK: It’s that simple to become the King of Kings of Africa? 

MK: Some of us do not think Risk is such an easy game Larry.  

LK: OK. Let’s get serious. Brother Leader, why did you give a hero’s welcome to the convicted Lockerbie bomber? 

MK: Why do you call it a hero’s welcome? 

LK: Well, because we have the pictures of him stepping off the plane to cheers and confetti and celebration music with a big sign in the background that said “Welcome Home Hero.” I would call that a hero’s welcome. 

MK: I cannot control what his family and his tribesman do to welcome him home. What do you think I am, a dictator? 

LK: Brother Leader, we also have photos of you giving him kisses on his cheek and what I would describe as a bear hug. 

MK: Yes, I admit to the kisses. The bear hug I think is an exaggeration, Larry. If anything, it was more Boo Boo than Yogi. 

LK: Sounds to me like a hero’s welcome. 

MK: No. It is only a hero’s welcome if I give full bear hug. There was no full bear hug. Just a Boo Boo hug which, as you know, is no more than a cub hug. 

LK: OK. Fair enough. Moving on. President Ahmadinejad, do you believe the Holocaust happened? 

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad [MA]: What do you mean, Larry? 

LK: I mean, do you believe that the Jewish Holocaust occurred? 

MA: That isn’t the question Larry. The question is if the Holocaust occurred, why do… 

LK: All I am asking is for a simple yes or no answer. It’s pretty easy. Did the Holocaust occur or not? 

MA: I am a university professor Larry. I am a philosopher.  I ask questions. I am not a historian. I wasn’t alive in the past so I can’t be sure of the past. 

LK: Well, that seems fair. What grievances do you have against the United States? 

MA: Essentially American arrogance stemming all the way back to 1953 when the United States interfered in Iranian politics. 

LK: Isn’t that ancient history? 

MA: History matters Larry. We have to understand history. We can’t forget the injustices of history. 

LK: OK. That seems consistent. Brother Leader Khadafy, why are you so interested in who killed President John F. Kennedy? 

MK: We need answers. Who killed Kennedy? Why were the Israelis involved? Who killed Martin Luther King Jr.? Who killed Martin Luther? Who really shot J.R.? Is Elvis really dead? Do Chuck Norris’s tears really cure AIDS? Maybe most importantly, who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp and who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong? We need to know these things. There needs to be investigations. Inquiring minds want to know. 

LK: I see. President Ahmadinejad, are you willing to negotiate the end to your nuclear program with President Obama? 

MA: We have the inalienable right to nuclear energy. But we are ready to negotiate other things with the United States. 

LK: Well, I have a surprise. On the phone from Washington, D.C. we have Barack Obama. You’re on the air Barack. 

Barack Obama [BO]: Hello Larry. 

LK: You’re on the air Mr. President. 

BO: Great to be here Larry. Mahmoud, let’s negotiate a solution to our problems right here. Give me a compromise I can bring to the American people. 

MA: This is a surprise but I am ready to compromise for the good of world peace. I am prepared to give up Iran’s right to nuclear energy. But you have to give me something. 

BO: OK. What’s your price? 

MA: I want Israel’s head on a silver platter. 

BO: Come again? 

MA: If you help me eliminate the Zionist entity, I can assure you the Islamic Republic will – at least temporarily – stop its nuclear weap, err, nuclear energy program. 

BO: Well, I am a man of compromise. So how about we take the Brother Leader’s plan and create one state called Isratine. That will accomplish your goal of destroying the Zionist entity, albeit in a less violent way. I am not a violent man. In the process, I achieve my goal of stopping Iran from acquiring nuclear weapons – at least temporarily, of course.  

MA: Well, I prefer violence, but I can accept this for now.  

LK: Wow. World peace negotiated on the show tonight. You don’t get that on other networks. 

BO: Larry, I just want you and the whole world to see that this is a Post-Bush America. George W. Bush would not have been able or even willing to make such a compromise for peace. 

MK: My son. My son the peacemaker. Here’s to President Obama for life. 

LK: Well, that’s all for tonight. Join us tomorrow when we have North Korean Dear Leader Kim Jong Il on and we see if we can’t make peace again by negotiating away South Korea. Join us then.

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