Bob Maistros

I can’t believe this. Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.

Creigh Deeds. Geesh. The Washington Post hands him “macaca” on steroids with that Bob McDonnell treatise story. The “quad-fecta”: McDonnell alienates gays, women in the workforce, every female in Virginia on contraceptives and every couple shacking up from Norfolk to Fairfax.

Thanks for nothing.

And Deeds fumbles the darn thing by overplaying his hand so clumsily the voters start sympathizing with the Neanderthal? Not to mention losing his cool in that post-debate press conference … flipping every which way but loose on tax hikes and calling that reporter babe “young lady.” Yo, turkey, didn’t you read the script? McDonnell’s the one insensitive to working women. That is, until he put that Iraq veteran daughter on TV every 15 minutes for a month. That was better inoculation than the swine flu vaccine.

Speaking of which, who is running this flu debacle for me: Mike Brown’s evil imbecile twin? Now we’ve got everyone calling the shortages my Katrina. I’m thinking more my Kathleen. Uh, Toto, you’re not in Kansas anymore … there are like 300 million people who need shots, not 6.4 million cows and 80,000 square miles of silos and wheat fields. Wonder what a one-way ticket to Wichita costs.

Back to this Deeds thing … what’s worse, even after I have my people leak a disavowal in the Post and he’s down 15 stinking points, he goes and blankets the state with commercials featuring my endorsement so they’ll blame the whole debacle on me. Thanks for nothing.

But even Deeds is better than Corzine. There I go pull out all the stops … Virginia’s one thing, but we can’t blow a blue state I took by 17 points. Except yes, we can … with a tone-deaf political schlep like that guy. Heck if I know how Corzine made all those millions with the people skills of a block of granite, but even he couldn’t spend enough of them to overcome his sorry-ass record and campaign strategy. What? He can’t figure out to make the same kind of empty tax cut promises I did last year. Amateur.

Meanwhile, how much other deadweight do I need to carry besides Swine-Flu Sibelius? How about that Anita Dunn and all her cocksure sh– about taking on Fox News? Now they got CNN on their side? Even Rev. Wright didn’t manage that. I’d ship her butt out, except then I’d get more crap from the liberal blogs and the Times about the “boy’s club” … which she also couldn’t shield me from. Her “temporary” assignment is getting more temporary by the minute. Even Valerie went brain-dead on me with that crack about Fox and “speaking truth to power.” Who does she think is president … Martha McCallum?

Plus Pelosi and Reid … g–d—- if every time I manage to move health care back to the safe,  muddy middle so we can hoodwink Olympia and get the darn thing passed, they don’t keep resurrecting the public option and the abortion funding. Why don’t we just tee it up for Beck and Palin and call the monstrosity “The Death Panel Act of 2009?” Especially since I’m the one getting killed here.

Turns out this whole election-night disaster is a blessing in disguise. With McDonnell pulling 55 to almost 70 friggin’ percent of the vote in every single Democratic district in Virginia, maybe now those two klutzes will have to heed the Blue Dogs and dial back health care and cap and trade. But then the way things are going, Reid will be history next year anyway, and Nancy can join Newt in the pompous pundit game.

Which would mean I would still have a chance of pulling a Clinton … letting my party go down in flames in the off-years, taking credit when the Republican Congressional leadership forces me to slide back to the middle and coasting to re-election.

In fact, I’m going to get that process rolling by placing that call to Fox News that Anita Dunn refused to make.

“Hello. May I speak to Dick Morris?”

One Response to “What does Obama think of the recent election results? Well…”