“OK, Mr. President, let’s get going on our media prep session.  Why don’t we start with some of the lines we’ve been practicing on health care reform?”

“Right.  ‘We want to bring down the cost of health care for families and businesses and for the federal govern – …’ bwah ha ha ha ha!”

“Mr. President, what’s the matter?”

“How can anyone say this with a straight face!  Heh, heh, heh!”

“Mr. President, this is serious stuff.  You need to get out on the road and fight for your bill.  And we need to be ready.”

“I know, I know.  But a $2 trillion bill that will subsidize health insurance premiums for 30 million people will reduce costs?  Bwah ha ha ha ha!  OK.  I’ll try to get through this.”

“Let’s try the next line in the talking points.”

“’We’re about a government that lives up to its responsibilities, including the responsibility to live within its means.  Over the last year, we’ve gone through the budget line by line looking for places to trim the fat out of govern…’  Bwah ha ha ha ha!”

Mr. President!  Pull yourself together.”

“It’s OK.  I’ll get it straightened out.”

“All right.  Let’s try the next line.”

“OK.  ‘I’m a New Democrat’ … bwah ha ha ha ha!”

“Oh, my.  Let’s try some exercises.  Think moderate thoughts.  Repeat after me.  Bob Dole.  Howard Baker.  Sam Nunn.  Scoop Jackson.  Jimmy Carter …”

“Bwah ha ha ha!”

“Well, all right.  Maybe not him.  Try these:  Congressional Budget and Impoundment Control Act. Tax Equity & Fiscal Responsibility Act. Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation ….”

“Reconciliation!  Bwah ha ha ha ha!”

“All right, all right.  Let’s give the President a chance to relax a little.  Valerie.  Let’s work on some of your points.  Start at the top of the page.”

“’Our health care bill will give you more control over health care in Ameri—’ hee hee hee hee hee!”

“What now?”

“You’ve got to be kidding.  We’re not really going to try to say a bill with some 111 boards, commissions and death panels, that mandates people to buy health insurance filled with federal requirements and that kills Medicare Advantage, is going to give people more con—… hee hee hee hee hee!”

“Valerie, please!  Listen.  We’ve got some trips and interviews coming up.  We have to get into the spirit of this.  Let’s go to Rahm.  Do you remember the talking points we were working on for you?”

“’F@4%ing retarded?’”

“Let’s take five.”

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