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Memo to Snyder: Don’t stop the radical reforms now!‘System failed’? I’m shocked!
May 14th, 2010 | 
Author: 
Andy Hefty
So I get this “Breaking News” alert in my e-mail. Shocker number one: I got my information from Fox News. Imagine that. A conservative like me not getting feeds from CNN, the site founded by Ted Turner, paragon of conservative thought and politics.
It says, “Obama declares ‘the system failed’ in BP oil spill, calls for new regulations.”
All hail!
Now, there for your reading pleasure is an entire day’s worth of shockers!
It surprises me to no end that “Obama declares” something. Wow, do you mean that the President of the United States took himself away from his endless work schedule to appear before the media? He actually got up from his desk, pushed aside his advisors, and said something publicly? Imagine that.
Here’s another shocker: “The system failed.” What genius. No one else in the entire world with a television or internet-accessing computer would have figured that out on their own. It’s amazing to no end that only the President could come up with such a brilliant pronouncement as this. No wonder nearly everyone in the mainstream press is enamored with this guy. He’s radiating with intelligence.
Next surprise: “calls for new regulations.” Now, this is beyond the scope of anything any Democrat in Congress could have ever done. I can picture every elected official right now standing with their mouths and eyes wide open, like a bucket of brook trout, wondering in complete amazement at the pronouncement that new regulations are needed to keep this from ever happening again.
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Obviously, the current laws, statutes, regulations, and safety protocols aren’t burdensome enough. The current taxes and fees required to do the evil oil exploration to keep our non-hybrid cars running will not cover what is necessary to purchase more votes. Approval for energy generation isn’t sufficiently bogged down through Congress and the EPA. We need more, dang it! And Mr. Obama is the only one who can guide us through this miry quandary in which we find ourselves and that only through the fault of Dick Cheney and Halliburton.
Of course, when the Christmas Day crotch bomber was arrested because of vigilant citizens and not government, we were told that “the [government] system worked.” But let a free-market solution fail, and wonder of wonders, we need the modern-day government-only messiah to help us out.
Why haven’t I seen the (compact fluorescent) light before?
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What is wrong with you?
Nowhere close to Bush’s “Mission Accomplished”. And let’s get rid of all regulation while we’re at it. No clean water,safe food requirements…you’re all on your own. What a maroon.
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