Archive for the ‘Mike Ball’ Category

Joe Bell

In 1978, Frankie Valli told us, “Grease is the word.” Americans who insist government spending is the cure for the nation’s economic woes should consider Europe to see where the policy leads. To paraphrase Valli – Greece is still the word.

Albatross.

Saddled with a national debt that is 115 percent of its Gross Domestic Product, Greece is in such a state of economic turmoil that the European Union has had to step in and bail the nation out. Within two decades America’s debt is expected to be 140 percent of its GDP. As with Greece, America’s economic growth is no match for Washington’s desire to spend.

No one on either side of the Atlantic is learning the lesson of frugality. As Greece languishes on the doorstep of financial collapse the EU continues to extol the virtues of entitlement spending. On April 18, the Sunday Times reported, “An overseas holiday used to be thought of as a reward for a year’s hard work. Now Brussels has declared that tourism is a human right and pensioners, youth and those too poor to afford it should have their travel subsidized by the taxpayers.”

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Brett Noel

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Bob Franken

Who could have ever imagined this happening in the old puckered up Dixie, where even the mildest swear word would bring pursed lips and warnings about Judgment Day?

New rules.

And who in a thousand years, actually make that 145 years since the end of the Civil War, who could have imagined that South Carolina, which still holds fond memories of a plantation life, would be on the verge of making the GOP nominee a woman who isn’t lily white.

Rep. Nikki Haley is of Indian descent, in fact an opponent called her a “raghead”. It used to be, nobody would have even noticed such racist comments. Now they have caused an uproar and mainly oozed all over the idiot who used the word. Call that progress.

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Brett Noel

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Large version for newspaper publication.

Greyscale version for newspaper publication.

Brett Noel

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Large version for newspaper publication.

Greyscale version for newspaper publication.

Dan Calabrese

It’s 3 a.m., and I can’t sleep because of the injustice I saw on TV a few hours ago. If it’s bothering Bud Selig as much as it’s bothering me – and it sure as hell should – he needs to make it right. I have no idea if the rules even allow for it, but I don’t care, and neither should Selig. He needs to officially declare what everyone knows is true – that Armando Galarraga pitched a perfect game.

Robbed.

I know you’re going to explain to me that the official rules of baseball don’t provide for this. I don’t care. If Selig doesn’t make this right, he will let stand one of the most egregious travesties in the history of baseball.

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Mike Ball

We haven’t heard from our old friend Dr. Mike in quite a while. For new readers, Dr. Mike is an advice columnist whose main qualification for dispensing life-changing gems of wisdom is his Ph.D. in Melted Crayon Sculpture from the University of Tim Online ($29.95, two for $41.50).

Uh, no thanks.

Here is what we found in this week’s mail bag:

Dear Dr. Mike,

My wife’s cooking is a lot more enthusiastic than it is edible. In fact, after word of her “Liver-Tofurky Casserole Surprise” reached the Pentagon, she was hired as a consultant for the Army’s Chemical Warfare Division.

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Mike Ball

Everybody knows that the airlines have not been doing that well lately. Between the rising cost of fuel and the ongoing hassles of cleaning up after young Nigerian millionaires with exploding underpants, the industry has been faced with a series of unprecedented challenges.

I think I'll drive.

To add insult to injury, a certain volcano in Iceland (Eyjafjallajokull, whose name is really hard to say for most news reporters; it’s pronounced “Xgicxgsrnlglu”) recently shut down airports all over Europe and paralyzed air travel world-wide. Of course, most airlines are not compensating the stranded passengers in any way, since a volcano is an “Act of God.”

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Mike Ball

A couple weekends ago  I spent more time watching the Masters golf tournament on television than I like to admit. I guess I find it strangely comforting to see tanned, handsome, self-assured millionaire touring golf professionals occasionally shank a five iron into a sand trap.

Enough already!

To me the highlight of the weekend was Fred Couples making a serious run for the Green Jacket. I loved this because:

a). He is 50 years old and has more gray hair than I do

b). His name is “Fred”

c). In an elite sport where everything a player uses, wears, eats, drinks, or thinks about is computer engineered for maximum performance and endorsement value, this guy was playing the most prestigious tournament in professional golf wearing slip-on boat shoes with no socks.

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Mike Ball

“So what’s on your minds, guys?” It was a pretty open-ended question to ask a group of incarcerated teenage boys, and the range of answers I got pretty much lived up to my expectations.

“Eatin’ Pizza”, “Girls”, “Eatin’ Pizza with girls!” There were a few other topics that I am probably better off leaving to your imagination.

Josh White, Jr. and I were working our way through the first session of

Choices.

a new idea we were developing, helping severely troubled young people explore some of their deepest feelings by writing and performing folk and blues songs. At the time we were calling the program “Project Roots,” referring to the fact that traditional folk and blues, or “roots music,” forms the foundation on which all other American music is built.

On that day we were not really sure where to start, because nobody else had ever tried to do exactly what we were doing. I had been running creative writing workshops at this facility for nearly two years and some of these boys had been in at least one of my groups. They all knew me. This was a big advantage, since I had already had a chance to earn their trust – and trust is something that never comes easy for these kids.
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